I know that God is good. In fact, I know that He is great and powerful and a multitude of many other things that I cannot fathom. Even though I know that my God is all these things I often forget the ways He acts in accordance with His character. I fall into the routines of life that pull me away from the glory of God and into this mundane experience of life where I often feel hopeless.
Doubt is a steady thing in my life and honestly, I am unsure why. I remind myself of that greatness that God has in store for me because I know that it is true, but I do not often believe the truth in the depths of who I am.
However, every time I don’t believe something will occur the impossible happens, blowing me away in the process. I am met unexpectedly by God in ways that I never could have comprehended. Whether it be the smallest thing or something that quite possibly seems like it could end my world, Abba always has a way of revealing and putting forth His plans.
I was listening to the book Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry a bit ago (by the way HIGHLY recommend). She was reading from Genesis 3, the original sin of Adam and Eve. She points out how the serpent convinces Eve to eat from the tree of life.
The serpent is able to confuse Eve about what God actually said and frame Him as a liar. The sin of Adam and Eve wasn’t just disobeying God but was doubt. Doubt that God wasn’t who He said He was. Doubt that He lied to them about the tree of life and what would happen if they ate from it. Doubt that He alone wasn’t enough for them.
I realized while listening that I, today in 2019, still have these doubts and thoughts that they did thousands of years ago and I’m sure I am not the only one.
And I thought to myself why is this still a problem that we are dealing with? why have we not learned? why am I struggling with unbelief that my God is who He says He is when I have proof that it’s true?
I have seen God work in miraculous ways in my life and others that are so undeniably Him that I get mad at myself for doubting. After thinking a whole lot about this I realized where my doubt comes from.
I think it’s because far too often I listen to what others tell me what I should be doing or saying instead of listening to the One who gives me the breath to do so. The One who knows what I am going to speak before I even think the words. The One who is above time. I have doubt because I am focused on the created rather than the Creator.
If Eve had realized that the serpent was created by God, thus making the serpent beneath Him, she would have never listened to the lies and doubt he created in her mind. Instead, she would have focused on the wonderful God that created her, also you and me, and the truth that He speaks. So I am going to stop letting things and people stand out more than God. And I know this is not easy, but the amazing thing is that I don’t have to do anything, I just have to trust that God is who He says He is and believe in His goodness above other lies that people tell me. I just have to simply show up and what a beautiful thing that is.